Friday, September 25

Slap Me Please

I am most pleased with myself today. I got off my temper at my mother which was unbelievably rude of me to do that in front of people, gave a smug face to her boyfriend; spite the god damned uni security guards for which I wish to burn them to death with napalm for sticking in their nose into my private life and had the best worst news I could possibly get which is to have the family debt mounted up to another golden fifty grand, for which I’d like to hang my older brother on the ceiling fan for being such a useless piece of meat. Even maggots wouldn’t want him!

God, I’ve never been so angry and frustrated all my life that I simply lash out at anyone for any disagreeing with me or just rather, a slight bother will bring me to claw out their eyes and suffer my rage.

Normally, I am not like this. I like being calm and have my thoughts collected but today has gotten me off the hook. It diminishes my reputation to a nil!

I hate to lose my temper, but really when I do lose it; it means something. I don’t burst out things every day of my life even I’m supposed to. I always take precaution of what I say and do because it matters you know.

People out there aren’t very generous with their opinions, and second time chances are hard to come by so I’m not giving any look.

I’m an evil monster who should just admit one’s mistake instead of pointing fingers. I know that me and my family are going through a rough patch right now, but it’s not gonna be forever isn’t it? I’m sure one day we’ll get past these rocks and get back on the flat ground again. I miss those times.

What I really want to do right now is to run to my mother and hug her tightly, tell her that I love her and there is nothing in this world should ever hurt her feelings, and if I ever do, she has my full permission to slap me hard across the face even if it draws blood, I don’t care. I don’t deserve to be alive for the way I acted this evening before, so vile and just plain rude.

I haven’t said sorry either. It’s alright, I’ll make it up to her when I see her.

God, I wish to have the strength to remain composed at all times, please.